Finding the right way to address mistakes

Family gatherings are supposed to be fun and happy occasions. Unfortunately, an incident occurred during a recent one I attended. Although I wish it hadn’t happened, it still contains valuable lessons for dealing with mistakes your customers make.

On Saturday evening of this gathering, a group of us were going to a restaurant for dinner. I was in one car, and my daughter Rayna was in another car behind us, driven by a relative. We’ve been to this central New Jersey restaurant dozens of times, and everyone knows the way: west on Laurel Road, then before the intersection of route 35, bear right onto a bypass road that puts the traveler directly onto route 35 north toward Keyport and Perth Amboy, thereby avoiding the intersection. The car I was in made the correct turn. However, as I looked back, I saw that the second car (the one with Rayna inside) missed the bypass road. Then, to my amazement and disbelief, the driver (my relative) backed up on Laurel Road about 100 feet until he was at the bypass road, then took it and arrived at the restaurant shortly after we did.

As the relative was approaching the restaurant (but while he was still a distance from the others), I went to him and said the following:
“Thanks for driving Rayna.”
“I thought backing up was a dangerous thing to do. What about, instead, keeping on going and then making whatever turns are needed to get here?”
I was concerned about his backing the car up, because to me it was dangerous to do. Now, before anyone accuses me of being a busybody, I will say the following: Had it been just his family, or others, in the car, I would have said nothing. The only reason I raised the issue was that Rayna was in the car, and as her father, I am responsible for her safety.

What does this exchange have to do with customer service? You often run into customers who call you because they messed something up or otherwise did something wrong. It’s important, of course, to address the immediate issue. However, you also may want to address the actions the customer took that created this problem, because you don’t want it to happen again. Just as I had an interest in the relative’s unsafe actions in backing up (because Rayna was in the car at the time), you have an interest in having the customer refrain from future actions of that kind (because the resulting problem will be your problem as well). However, it’s important to consider the way you share your concerns with the customer. Here are some tips for doing so.

Focus on the issue, not the person

When I approached my relative, I didn’t tell him he was a bad person or that he was stupid or incompetent. Instead, I focused on the action itself. Consider the difference:
“Backing up was the wrong thing to do.”
“You were wrong to back up.”
Likewise, when talking to your customer, address the action (“Deleting the file is what caused the problem.”) rather than the person (“You caused the problem by deleting the file.). This style of speaking lessens the chance of causing defensiveness in the other person. In addition, it avoids assumptions about who did what. The person you’re talking to may not even have done that action, and implying that he or she did might cause a distracting disagreement.

Aim for diplomatic wording

The most diplomatic remark I ever heard came from the wife of the pastor of my church. Her statement concerned two young people in our church, both friends of mine, who had been dating for a few years. I asked the pastor’s wife when these two people were ever going to get married, and she replied, “I don’t know about those things. I just try to mind my own business.”

Finding the right way to address mistakes customers make

The way we say things to customers is as important as, if not more important than, what we actually say. In particular, when dealing with a mistake the customer made, try to phrase your statements in the passive voice, rather than active voice. The same principle applies here: By taking your focus off the person, you reduce the chances that the person will feel defensive. And again, the action you’re addressing might not have been the fault of the person you’re talking to.

I’m not saying to always use the passive voice. Overusing it can lead to confusion and uncertainty over, for example, responsibility for project tasks. I am suggesting, though, that you consider what you say before you say it, because a more diplomatic alternative may exist.

Reinforce the customer's correct actions

Sometimes, your customers do take correct actions, even if they’ve created a problem. Try to reinforce those correct actions by commenting positively on them. Now, don’t lie about things, and don’t overdo it, because it may sound insincere. It need not be a long complicated statement, either. While doing customer service consulting at a university, I overheard the following exchange between the help desk and the caller:

Help desk: “So, Professor Smith, if I understand you correctly, you COPIED the file instead of MOVING it?”
Professor Smith: “That’s right.”
Help desk: “Good; that was the right thing to do.”

Avoid emotional reactions to bad news from the customer

A customer who comes to you with a problem already is nervous enough as it is. Don’t make that customer any more nervous. Have you ever had a problem with your car that required a visit to the mechanic? Have you ever had the experience of watching the mechanic open the hood, peer inside, and then whistle? My rule of thumb is that the extent of the problem, and the cost of fixing it, varies exponentially with the length of the whistle.
Avoid doing similar things when you hear the customer problem. Don’t give the auto mechanic whistle, or mutter to yourself, or put your head in your hands. On the other hand, don’t lie to the customer. If it’s a problem, say so, but be as matter-of-fact and "cautiously optimistic" (as diplomats would say) as possible. Your immediate instinct might be to say, “You &#&@&#&#ing &#@@#@@!!! You really #@#@#ed up big time!” But it's better to say something like, “This is a serious situation, but we’re going to do all we can to resolve it.”
Small things you say and do can have a big effect on the customer and on that customer’s perception of your customer service.